Ah cain’t help noticing that this here Starbucks keeps setting up new coffee shops all over South Carolina


My and my younguns were comin’ back from church and headin’ for the rifle range for some practice, and goshdarn if I ain’t seen another one of them liberal, communist coffee shops opening up. I said to Houston (he’s my fourth boy), “Son, look at that sign up air. You see that?” . . .


“That there is a pagan symbol of a mother goddess–the goddess of the sea and the moon. That Starbucks is a devil worshipping kinda place.”


“What are they doin here in South Carolina Pa?” says my boy Austin. He’s the oldest. He’s fourteen.


“They come here from out West in Seattle where all them folks are feminists and homos and communists.” . . .


Dallas whispered, “What was it like? Was they worshipping devils in there?”


Austin says, “It was real quiet like and everybody was asking for coffee and they had come kind of secret language. Like they didn’t say ‘small or medium’ or anything it was something foreign like cap of china and rio grande. I couldn’t figure it out noway.”



Score another win for Team Trump.


P.S. Wait till The New Yorker finds out about In-N-Out Burger (which is only the greatest burger chain in the known universe).