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Hi, hello, and greetings from someone who used to have a personality, but now has now entirely replaced it with a condiment instead.
In my defense, the old personality was not nearly as easy to spread on a hamburger.
That condiment has a name, and it's Roasted Garlic Aioli ($7.95). She hails from Stonewall Kitchen, and she is so delicious that I now interact with her more often than I do most of my sentient human friends.
I even learned how to spell "aioli" correctly without Googling it for her, so you know it's true love.
This aioli is a combo of creamy mayo + slow roasted garlic + the teensiest hint of mustard, giving it a rich, umami-esque flavor with a perfect amount of tang that pairs well with pretty much all non-dessert foods — a true life hack of a condiment for anyone who has no idea how to cook, but is determined to live a lie in lockdown.
"Am I...Ina Garten?" —Me after putting this one drop of this aioli on anything
The running list of things I have consumed this god tier condiment on during lockdown includes and is not limited to *deep breath*:
Yes, this chicken is crusted in half a box Frosted Flakes, thank you for asking!
Or as I like to call it, the only food group on the pyramid.
Psst, if you are jealous of my egg — a problem I oft deal with as a self-proclaimed, universally unrecognized egg influencer — you can steal its look by snagging one of these Dash Rapid Egg Cookers for $16.99 at Target. It makes six soft, medium, or hardboiled eggs at a time, and I love it so dearly that my other appliances are getting concerned.
And also, but not pictured here: Parmesan-crusted potatoes (yes, I do love myself a carbohydrate), asparagus, a baked potato, a pork chop, a salad, and air.
Someone has to lick the extra off the serving spoon! Waste not, aioli not, as the saying goes.
That said, there is no wrong way to aioli. And if you, unlike me, know how to create food that has more than four ingredients, you can get ~creative~ with it.
In fact, Stonewall Kitchen has a whole bunch of recipes you can make with its Roasted Garlic Aioli, including this root vegetable salmon latke situation up top. Look how flawless she is peeking out from under that fish. Truly not one bad angle on her.
In conclusion, we are five-ish (?) weeks into lockdown, my blood is 90% Roasted Garlic Aioli, and you know what? My brain might be as FJADKLGJAFKLGAJG as the rest of the world, but mouth is *thriving*.
Truly, ketchup and mustard WHOMST?? This is the only condiment I acknowledge now.