Thoughts from the ammo line

Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll has a few thoughts on what WHAT TO TELL OUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT THE ELECTION. She writes:


I was browsing in Walmart’s meager book department and chanced to spy a slim volume called Madam President. Bwahahaha!


I skimmed it in about 15 seconds. I am affirmatively uninterested in GENERAL in voting for someone simply on the basis of the color or shape of xer skin. Specifically, I was not interested in voting for THAT wretched woman.


Then I recalled all the shell-shocked women on the telly on election night 2016 agonizing about what they were going to tell their daughters in the morning. What could they say to little Madison or McKenzie about how this historic event — that they were promised was in the bag — had failed? And not by a slim margin, but bigly.


Why, no lesser expert on everything in the known world than Rachel Maddow had looked right into the camera on election night with her trademark snotty smirk and crowed that even if Donald Trump had his best night, his best night EVER, he would still lose! She had the colored map to prove it! Later on that evening, she said we were in Hell. Oh, dear. HOW could anyone that brilliant have been so wrong?


It has been over 500 days now, so I presume the saner caterwauling women have worked something out. (Blaming sexism; stupid white married women; Russian Facebook ads; “racists” who preferred a white man to a white woman. General Deplorables.)


The even more unhinged are still knitting pink caps and baying at the moon, carrying bloody severed heads, dropping trou and crapping in public, calling other women the bad “c”-word – you know, all the tried-and-true ways we have to convince other people that our viewpoint should have prevailed. All out of the playbook Wellstone Funeral 2.0. Keep it up, ninnies.


In the midst of such embarrassing hysteria, I was compelled to think about what I would have told a daughter about the 2016 election, had I been fortunate enough to have one. Of course, it would depend on her age. Age five or under, I think I would channel Dr. Seuss and friends:


Hand, hand, fingers thumb
Hillary thinks your Mommy’s dumb
She called us lots of nasty names
And made a ton of crazy claims.
The voters kicked her in the rump,
(Hard to miss), and elected Trump!
We eat green eggs but never ham!
And the Israeli embassy’s in Jerusa-lam!


You know, something like that. For older girls, it would have been an awesome teachable moment:


Well, honey, I know you’ve been told you should be disappointed. But here’s what we’ve learned from this:


First of all, whatever gave you the impression that you were going to get everything you want in life? Because of a prolonged contrarian period (The Idiot Years) where I always seemed to be swimming against the current, out of 13 Presidential elections in which I have voted, my preferred candidate prevailed in exactly FIVE. Did you see ME screaming through the streets wearing a mask, smashing things? Did you see me sporting very poor facsimiles of lady bits upon my head? No, you didn’t, and not just because you don’t exist…


Secondly, dear daughter, never, never, never believe the polls. They are not there to reflect actual public opinion. They are there to SHAPE public opinion and mostly to convince you to give up because it’s hopeless. Bullies always count on your not fighting back.


Hillary was never going to win. She lost to a black man whose only credential was the color of his skin and the ability to read off a Teleprompter; she lost to a whitish-orange man and if Cheech Marin ran against her, she would lose to a stoned brown man. This is not because of sexism. It is because Hillary was and is and always will be a terrible candidate and a worse person. A terrible woman candidate is NOT better than even a mediocre male one. Would you want a terrible pilot or surgeon just because she was a woman?


Just as the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King articulated that skin color was secondary to the content of one’s character, your father and I believe that the PLATFORM is far more important than the color or gender of the person representing that platform. We had many issues we cared about, but none more than the top four: border control of our great country; support for Israel; freedom of speech and religious expression; and the constitutional right to keep and bear arms.


Hillary was 0 for 4 on these and President Trump was 4 for 0. With the astonishing added bonus, that President Trump actually intended to fulfill those promises! Hillary was also for increased taxes, increased regulations, an activist Supreme Court, the global warming scam, and the right to kill babies up until the minute they are born. She couldn’t even bring herself to assert that ALL Lives Matter, can you imagine?


The final takeaway lesson I have for you is this:


Visit Wisconsin. Even if you’re not running for anything. The Dells are almost like Disneyland and the Packers are a fun team, and the people are friendly, if just a bit on the sturdy side. Just trust me. If you remember nothing else from this discussion: Visit Wisconsin.


Well, daughter, I’m glad we’ve had this little chat. Maybe in the next election, the Democrats will run a dream ticket of either Mad Max Waters and Crazy Eyes Socialist, who garnered 16,000 whole votes, or Hillary Has-Been and the pretty Jew-hating, brother-marrying, Muslim bigamist from Minnesota whose name I always forget. Madam President, here we come! My heart swells with gender pride at the very thought of any one of those four women running my life. I think I will begin drinking in proactive celebration as soon as I hit “Send.”